did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
