turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
