can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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