...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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