The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
