I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So vagazzling was a success
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
