Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
