god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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