if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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