i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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