Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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