thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
