she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
