thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm just crazy horny about you
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
