i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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