he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
