Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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