Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Ambien. No doubt about it.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
