i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
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