The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
