you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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