Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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