LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
