And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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