Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
