okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
