i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
