Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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