This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
