I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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