ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Dick very happy bro
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
