if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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