Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
