Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
