stop calling my apartment porn island.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
