You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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