I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
