Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
