There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
