what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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