I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Randomize
