Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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