My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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