He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
