I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
