i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
