Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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