I can text with my tongue
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
