Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
