She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
