i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
